Friday's Top 10 Things That Piss Me Off
1. Neck Tattoos.
There is no faster way to make a bad impression on the white collar world than the neck tattoo. The neck tattoo screams, "Don't hire me. I'm untrustworthy. I will probably steal office supplies." If a dude has a neck tattoo I usually just assume he's been to prison. If a chick has a neck tattoo I usually assume she's trying to pick up a certain kind of guy. And by "certain kind of guy" I mean "a dude that's been in prison."

2. Sun Visors on Men.
I don't care if you own a multi-billion dollar company that sells the world's finest sun visor, if you're a man, you have no business wearing one unless you're at a Halloween party dressed as an old-timey blackjack dealer. It's just a dumb look and it's not made any better by the sleeveless shirt that all-too-often accompanies it.

3. Wannabe Skater Guys.
Never, and I mean NEVER, in my entire life have I seen any kid in Kentucky pull off even the simplest skateboard tricks. Call it coincidence. Call it bad luck. Call it whatever you want, but wherever I go I see this: Kid gets up a head of steam on his board. Kid jerks and gyrates to try to get the board airborne. Board stops. Kid flies off. Kid's friends laugh. That's ALWAYS what I see and we've got a damn skatepark DOWNTOWN!

4. The Attitude on The Talking Machine at the Self-Checkout.
Damn, take it easy. You make one wrong move or punch one wrong button and that thing gets all bent out of shape. Heaven forbid you don't get your item in the bag within two seconds of scanning it or that thing freaks out. I get less attitude from the fifteen-year-old checkout girl who's two minutes away from her smoke break.

5. McDonald's "I'm Lovin' It" Campaign.
Three words: I'm hatin' It.

6. Those weird-ass "Bratz" dolls.
I didn't think it was possible to take everything wrong with America's youth and capture it so vividly in plastic and rubber doll-form. As is so often the case, I was wrong. What kind of idiot parent would buy this kind of toy for their child? Is it any wonder you can go to any mall and see 10-year-olds dressed like strippers and lounge lizards?

7. The "Get-In-The-Hoooooole!" Moron.
Even us casual golf fans hate this guy because we've all seen him. This is the guy that's always screaming immediately after the pro hits his shot for the ball to get in the hole. Doesn't matter if it's the tee shot on a par 5 or if the guy is chipping from the gravel in the damn parking lot, this guy wants that ball to get in that hole and he is willing to continue to scream at that ball all day long until it happens.

8. When People Constantly Lick Their Fingers to Turn Pages or Count Money.
I think it says something about your oral fixation if you're constantly putting your fingers in your mouth like a damn two-year-old. It's gross.

9. Women's Softball.
I know, I know. I've been picking on female athletes a lot lately. Last week it was the WNBA. Well, this week it's women's softball. Is this even a game? At the highest levels of competion like college ball or that bullshit pro league, the pitching is clearly so dominant over the hitting a high-scoring game is going to be 2-1. I'm not saying these women aren't athletes (though most could stand to drop a couple of LBs, but couldn't we all), I'm just saying the hitter always seems to be overmatched. The infield is tiny and the outfield fence is about 150 ft from homeplate yet you never see a homerun. Again, the pitching is too dominant. Move the mound back or something.

10. The Guy Emptying the Dumpster Outside My Office Right Now Who Keeps Saying "Muh-fucka."
Just since I've been typing this I swear this guy emptying the dumpster has said Muh-fucka probably 30 times. I'm NOT kidding. There's another one. Wait,there's two more, with a "shit, " two "niggas" and a couple of "goddamn"s thrown in for emphasis. This gentleman seems to be upset that he was fired from his last job. Hard to believe with such unbelievably professional communication skills.

On a side note, of the eight people that read my blog on a weekly basis, many feel that I'm too negative. So, here are three things I like:
1) Sunshine
2) Lollipops
3) Rainbows